why i hate taylor swift: a manifesto

If there is one thing I hate the most about today’s popular music it’s this demonic bitch:

Alright, I know what you’re thinking. “What? Taylor Swift? But she is so cute and her songs are adorable how can you hate this sweet little blonde girl, you HEARTLESS BITCH!” Well, fuck you. I have my reasons.

I can’t pinpoint the exact date I began my hatred of Taylor Swift, but I do remember how it happened. I was in my friend Courtney’s car, and she was playing her iPod. The song about crying on a guitar played, and I was like “ugh, country music.” Because I have taste. Then the song about sneaking out of house to make out played, and I rolled my eyes. Because I am not fifteen anymore. And then, the travesty known only as Love Story played, and the rage began to seep through my veins.

Have you heard the song? Let me sum it up for you. “I’m totally Juliet and my boyfriend loves me, he is my Romeo, and my Romeo was like ‘Hey Jules I just called your dad and he said you should buy a white dress so we can totes get married’ and I was like omg he loves me I say yes because this is true love, Romeo and Juliet style!”

Now I know she was just a teenager when she wrote this (how could you not tell, the whole things reeks of youthful ignorance and naïveté), but I thought reading Romeo and Juliet was a requirement in high schools? Wouldn’t that then mean that she has read the play, and is aware that it didn’t end with Mr. Capulet giving Romeo the a-okay and walking his daughter down the aisle? Reading is power, kids. Stay in school.

I’m not stupid, okay. I know that she is just using Romeo and Juliet as the tired cliché of true love and soulmates. Which brings me to my next point: her songwriting is full of tired clichés.

I don’t care that she’s only a teenager and writes all her own songs. When I was a teenager, I “wrote songs” too, and they were all just about as good as hers. I don’t care that she’s a pop singer who actually writes her own material, her material sucks. It’s like Avril Lavigne all over again: the girl won fucking songwriting awards just because she was 17 and wrote her own stuff, but her stuff was “he was a skater boy I said see you later boy”.

Taylor’s the same, but countrified. She shouldn’t be praised as a songwriter when all I’m hearing is recycled clichés about puppy love and teenage insecurities and oversimplifications of complex emotional situations. “Oh, he doesn’t love me because I wear tshirts and some girl wears shirt skirts!” Yeah, that’s the least mature way of looking at a situation. But maybe expecting a song about the forced girl-on-girl hatred perpetuated by society and your own insecurities and desperation to be validated by a man is a little unrealistic. Plus, I mean Kanye said he likes the song about “THE CHEERLEADER AND HER BEING IN THE BLEACHERS” so it can’t be all bad, right? (More on Kanye later, I promise).

Speaking of the cheerleader/bleachers song, does it sound oddly familiar to anyone else?

And if you say she’d probably never heard that song before, well….

What are the odds?

Aw, but how dare I accuse this sweet innocent little country bumpkin of something so evil? Well, that brings me to my next point. Taylor Swift’s persona is the fakest bs I’ve seen since I watched that A&E Ghost Hunters marathon. First off, she’s from Pennsylvania. That southern twang she’s got on her songs isn’t what you’d call genuine. Girl’s from the same town as Jon and Kate, and I certainly don’t hear them with a drawl. (sidenote: someone burn this town to the ground). And the “aw shucks” routine? HATE IT. I don’t care that Joe Jonas dumped you over the phone, stop bringing it up every chance you get to make yourself look like the victim. “Poor Taylor, I can’t believe he dumped her on the phone! Well I hope she does well, that’ll show him!” It’s like Jennifer Aniston, only a) more pathetic because they’re just teenagers and not married or anything, and b) less pathetic because it hasn’t dragged out as long. So really I have no idea how that evens out. All I know is I don’t care that you were dumped, I’m not going to support your mediocre career regardless.

Enter Kanye. Like me, this man doesn’t give a fuck about some bland little girl singing crappy love songs. But he seemed to overlook the fact that this demon sent to earth in the form of a pop singer had manipulated the general public into rooting for her banal existence. So when he got up on stage and said what everyone was thinking, the world rallied around her and treated him like a domestic terrorist. (even though he’d crashed award ceremonies like this before… and even though he had a valid fucking point. How dare he make that poor little white girl almost cry! Bad Kanye, bad!)

So now everyone in the world loves Taylor Swift, and she’s winning every award imaginable. (Yet every time she wins, she pulls out that super surprised “aw shucks, me? I can’t believe it!” bs. YOU WIN EVERY TIME HOW ARE YOU STILL SURPRISED). She beat Michael Jackson for artist of the year at the AMAs a while back. The American public picked the t-shirt wearing girl in the bleachers over the goddamn King of Pop. Many will say he was only nominated because he died anyway (where were those people when Heath Ledger got an Oscar, is what I wanna know), but just remember this one. Taylor Swift beat MJ. For a music award. About artistic merit.

Okay, that last one is petty. But if there is one thing I hate, it’s someone winning an award they don’t deserve. (Just wait ‘til Oscar season to hear about this… or mention “Jamie Fox” or “Reese Witherspoon” in my presence).

The whole point is, I hate Taylor Swift. She is mediocre a singer with limited vocal range. She is a mediocre songwriter with boring and trite songs. Everything about her is contrived. Yet stuff like this happens:

She gets everything she wants. Her album is the best selling of the year, has had all her singles go double platinum or more, won just about every award handed to her and now she has eight Grammy nominations. This is what happens when teen girls rule the world.

“Everything popular is wrong.”
– Oscar Wilde

26 Responses to “why i hate taylor swift: a manifesto”

  1. December 22, 2009 at 11:13 pm

    In a related story, I hear she might play Supergirl in an upcoming movie

  2. 2 Jessica
    December 23, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    As much as I like Taylor Swifts songs, I see your points. They are vaild. And I think this was the best thing I’ve read all day 😛 As for Taylor Swift acting, I think singers and actors should keep to their respective talents: you cannot be good at everything!

  3. 3 ze.lover
    January 11, 2010 at 2:24 am

    i completely agree with you 100 percent. i cant stand the frickin bitch.

  4. 4 ze.lover
    January 11, 2010 at 2:27 am

    oh and another thing. did you see her face at the peoples choice awards? when carrie underwood won best female country singer instead of her she had this totally fake vibe put on like she was “congratulating” her. you could tell she was sooo pissed off. oh but when she won best female artist?…everything was all better and she just “couldnt believe we had picker HER!” —— GAG—–

  5. January 20, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    U GO GIRL!!! that’s sooo true but u forgot to say that when she turned 19 she referd to beeing 18 as a looong time ago wich is so freaaken stupid

  6. 6 Kailey Tomasello
    February 1, 2010 at 7:59 pm

    Okayyyyy well first of alll, If you dont like/care about Taylor Swift don’t pay attention to her. Nobody wants to hear your little complaints. And your [you’re – ed.] probably a person who cherises [sic] people like Britney Spears and the slutty bitches that cause drama. Unlike them Taylor Swift is an extremely well behaved role model for all girls. Plus her songs remind every teenager of real life. Whether you love her or you hate her you are giving her a lot of attention so its a win win situation they way i look at it.
    T-Swift reminds me of high school too, especially of the shitty spelling in the yearbook dedication page – the editors

  7. 7 qs0829
    February 3, 2010 at 5:00 am

    Regardless of people’s varying opinions on Michael Jackson, that man can wipe the floor with Taylor Swift with one hand tied behind his back. Even on a bad day, MJ can outsing, outperform and outdazzle Swift. I really have no opinion of Taylor Swift as a person, but her songs are vile, brainless and boring. Why do we keep rewarding mediocrity? For every award we give to Swift, it’s telling other aspiring artists out there (who may be the real deal), “This is all you have to aspire to be. This is what we consider creativity and genius. You don’t have to be better than this. You can be a start even with mediocre to zero talent. People are stupid and will buy your records anyway, as long as we do the marketing right.” I just think we need to rage against this culture of mediocrity and stupidity. Because really, we deserve so much better.

  8. February 6, 2010 at 8:57 am

    Omg its sure that u don’t have no taste i luv taylor swift how can u not like her I mean OMFG her songs are brilliant i love today was a fairytalke anyway swiftly moving on ha ha swiftly taylor-swift get it anyway….

    I Hope U Love Her One Day 😦

  9. 9 smooth criminal
    February 15, 2010 at 7:02 am

    i absolutely agree with you. i mean THAT FUCKING BITCH, beat THE KING OF POP.
    “she wears shorts skirts i wear t-shirts” beat “i’m gonna make a change, for once in my life”?
    aww come on now.

  10. 10 Mohammad Ali
    March 2, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    The only thing that I can say is: “You are jealous!”

    She is the most beautiful girl of the world, her songs are lovely. I hate stupid M.J. and when I heard that she beat him I became very happy!

    She is a teenager and as a teenager she is the best! I love her!

  11. 13 David
    March 5, 2010 at 6:44 pm

    you fuckin wankpot bastard taylor swift is the greatest thing to ever happen to this earth. Il get the ra for ye u cunt ass wanker!!!!!!!!!

  12. 16 Bee
    March 8, 2010 at 8:51 am

    I love Taylor Swifts songs but I’m also fifteen years old. Taylor Swift however, is twenty, in my country that makes her a legal adult so I get what you’re saying, she is very immature and not a teenager anymore. When I’m twenty so I probably won’t like her music anymore but right now that whole melodramatic pop crap shit is basically the soundtrack to my life. Just coz, I’m a kid.

  13. 17 Musicgirl
    March 8, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    HAHA! Love this. When her first CD came out, I thought it was alright. I mean who doesn’t love cute little songs they can relate to? But holy crap, you can only write so many songs about the same things! And I might actually have some good news for those of you who don’t like her– I’m in the music industry and her managers and record label are highly considering dropping her because they “don’t feel honest perfecting her voice mechanically and then letting fans down when she performs live.” They are considering letting her go because her fan base is too young and once all the little girls grow up, they’re going to be tired of her repetitive music. JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED!

  14. 18 floral
    March 25, 2010 at 11:30 am

    Thank god someone feels the same.
    I was beginning to think I was the only sane one.

  15. 19 trista rose
    July 30, 2010 at 5:32 am

    your a fukin douche bag!!!

    FIRST OF ALL TAYLOR SWIFT HAS AN AMZING VOCAL RANGE!!! listen to the damn songs!! AND u even said u dnt like country so ur not very likly to like her!! ooh and ur video of compairing her and saing jane(yeh its not even spelled right!) that song and Id lie have NOTHING in common!!!!!! its sad that ur complaining about not liking her and ur probly some 38 year old sitting at home calling and complaining to ur mommy about TS!!! OH AND IF UR GANA DISH SUMONE JUST BECUZ THEY EARN PPLS APPROVAL (by being and AMAZING roll model haveing amazing music, writeing it all on their own AND having the last say in everything about their own tour and nothing of this haveing anything to do with their age) and rightfuly earn all the awards they are given AT LEAST USE SPELL CHECK!!!!!!!!!

  16. 21 Ian
    August 4, 2010 at 11:13 am

    First of all, yes I am a swift fan. Yes her songs are about the same stuff, but having the same subject matter for 90% of her songs doesn’t make boring music, though theres a lack of variety. What really draws most of her fans to her is her heartfelt sincerity that comes through with almost every single song and it doesn’t matter that she auto-tunes half her songs, though I’d prefer if she didn’t.
    Though…using You Belong With Me to judge Taylor Swift as many are liable to is kinda sad, since it is one of her less sincere songs. The lyrics are insipid, but clearly written for the mere fun of it. The song is one of the few ones that she wrote that weren’t actually based on a personal experience.
    Taylor has been praised by many musical critics for mature deep and well-thought out lyrics in songs like fifteen and white horse. Slamming her for changing the horrible sad brutal ending for romeo and juliet and stuffing into love story is more than a tad cruel, she never said it would be an actual factual representation of the story.
    YES I do believe that Taylor Swift should not have won the award over Michael Jackson, but since when do most deserving artists win every single award. And you don’t have to hate her for winning it. Hating because retarded people like them is retarded in itself. 1 more thing, it was artist of the YEAR, MJs career kinda ended a few years back. And since when does popular culture make the right decisions. You have many worse targets to pick on and hate on.
    I kinda start with that thing who strips, kisses girls and sings terribly who used to wear a blonde wig on stage. Yeah that cyrus thing.
    Also that horrid anomaly that appeared on the internet and became a reality. The bieber.
    We could also talk about Gaga, but that would be opening up another can of worms altogether.

    Taylor Swift: Overrated, maybe. But deserving of eternal hate? I don’t think so

  17. 22 jennifer
    August 27, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    you need jesus my friend :/x

  18. 25 crystal
    September 2, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    Finally someone else sane. Yes she great for the average tween but come on she needs to stop riding the “I was a poor friendless high schooler.” She was in reality a cheerleader. I can’t stand hearing her songs where she whines about petty superficial things that at her age should no longer be a problem. I often compare her to Miley Cyrus who just like taylor found a nitch in the pop industry and is now making millions by attracting people with their pointless songs. I also agree that writing your own song doesn’t mean much if they suck. Not to mention she’s creating hate no matter if it’s easy to relate to. She is simply fueling highschool stereotypes which cause more and more problems in highschools. Also if its that big of a problem stop wearing tshirt although last I checked its just fine to wear them and boys will still like you. Chances are if the guy doesn’t like you it probably because of your terrible whiney personality or your inability to let things go…like being broken up with or bad high school memories. It
    would really help her to go to college and get some new experiences to whine about. But at least there would be new subject matter.

  19. 26 laura
    September 4, 2010 at 10:45 am

    weel let me tell you first n you are a verry good writer , alltough i do not really agree with you i think you piece is really good !
    but i think taylor swift really has a good voice , and i don’t care the lyrics arn’t so grate , i just like her songs .
    but you do have some points i tottaly udestand like the stolen song ,thats really weird .
    but anyway i will stay a taylor fan .
    and you should stop worrying about her and get a journalism job or something because your writing is exelent

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